That Powerless Feeling: Pushing Past It as an AD
There are times on set where everything virtually feels out of your hands and not in a good way. It’s a wall I’ve noticed other ADs have experienced from time to time. It’s been a while where I’ve truly felt that way, but recently talking to another AD had me thinking about it.
Our whole job is based on power and control. The ability to run the set, keep emotions in check, and stay organized are the top three requirements of being an assistant director. But there are times when you stand there in the middle of it, knowing that you’re behind schedule, an actor is showing up late, another actor is fighting with makeup, the DP is being ridiculous, the director is not directing, and one of your runner PAs got lost trying to pick up lunch. These are those times when you feel so powerless to fix anything, everything seems so overwhelming and it’s hard to visualize the rest of the day or even the next setup without getting a migraine.
There are also those times when a producer or director renders your job at that moment completely null and void. Yes, this happens more than anyone wants to admit. Everything seems fine and then suddenly no one above your head is cooperating and you feel like an asshole for just standing there trying to come up solutions that just garner looks of despair, confusion, and failure. It’s like when your parents didn’t spank you for doing something stupid, or saying something stupid - they would simply tell you they’re disappointed. “We thought you would do better”. Thanks, parents.
So when those moments happen of on-set vertigo, what is an AD to do? How do you get past it? How the hell do I even get past it? There are a few places you can turn to in order to get things back under control:
THE AD TEAM
The first people I will turn to in these situations is my AD team. Straight up. If they can’t fix things, they often put things in a better perspective, or at the very least, put a smile on your face. Your 2nd, 2nd 2nd (if you get one) and your Key Set are your right hand (wo)men. Sometimes, a good slap in the face is all you need to get back out there and score the winning goal.
WRITE SHIT DOWN
Seriously. Sometimes these moments are caused from us not being able to clearly visual what the next step needs to be in order to get back on schedule. The set is like a giant horrible SAT math problem and it needs to be worked out on paper just like any logical problem. During lighting set up, I like to go through my paperwork, check off what’s been completed and what still needs to be finished and then arrange them into a list that makes sense and try to go down that list as the order for the rest of the day. I make notes next to this list of elements that have changed or have become unclear to me and then I use this as a way to go to the proper departments and get clarity.
HIT UP CRAFT SERVICES
I don’t mean binge, but I do know that if my brain is being difficult, it’s usually because I’m lacking something - H20, electrolytes, carbs, proteins, vitamins, etc. Light healthy snacking such as a handful of trail mix periodically not only helps keep the stomach from rumbling horribly by lunch time, but it also keeps your body from having physical reactions to your stress. Stress becomes very difficult to deal with if you’re also feeling physically ill in any sense. Keep yourself nourished. This also gives you a quick break away from set and allows you for that deep breath that could help you come up with solutions in an objective manner.
PULL THE DIRECTOR ASIDE
I know several of you may have audibly gasped at this title, but that’s ok. Not all directors are alike and there are certainly some who don’t have an ounce of respect for anyone but themselves. For those of you who are working with directors who are open to suggestion and criticism with you, pulling them aside is a good way to get your head on track. If you’re having a hard time visualizing a set up, or exactly what the director needs prepped a head of time, ask them to walk you through it. They know you are there to get this movie made for them; good directors will appreciate it when an AD stops and asks for clarification and more description of vague directions.
RUN ADDITIONAL REHEARSALS
Because I tend to work with a lot of first timers or people crossing over from guerilla to professional production, I am often having to beg and plead for a blocking rehearsal. Usually your issues lie within a lack of understanding of the blocking for a scene. If you have the time, make blocking rehearsals - no matter how reluctant the director is to really do one - a priority. Rehearse it until everyone is on the same page if you can. It will help alleviate issues in the long run and can put a stop to any current confusion right away. Actors on low budgets understand that we often don’t have stand ins and makeup/hair/wardrobe departments are often willing to let you grab the talent for a few minutes to make sure things are right.
CHECK IN WITH DEPARTMENT HEADS
When everyone seems to be running at full speed and you feel like a kitten on an expressway, it’s best to just go around and talk to the department heads. See where they’re at, what they need, what they’re working on. Sometimes they get caught up in their work and neglect to inform you of changes/problems that have come up. Doing a full departmental assessment when things are hazy is a good way to clear the smoke.
DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP
When all else fails and you have to push through it, tell yourself happy thoughts. be your own damn champion if you have to. Nothing is worse than when it’s obvious the AD is going to have a breakdown. I know this from personal experience. Remind yourself that you were hired for a reason and somethings are beyond your control. Don’t be angrily barking out roll or giving people attitude. We all make mistakes and its best to learn from it gracefully and move on than it is to dwell negatively and allow it to affect your present work. Things will clear up and get better. Just keep calm and roll sound.
Happy ADing!
